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[There’s a soft exhale, from both this touch and from those words, as Naruto speaks what he only has ever thought in his head. He can hear each word drenched with understanding, an echo of Naruto’s own thoughts. Yes. They understand this. Just another pain that strengthens this bond. Things he’s sure neither of them have ever discussed with others. What would they say? Could they even possibly understand?] Human. [He adds softly, because he had honestly wondered. There was a demon inside of him, but it was him the villagers hated, it was him those children called a monster and ran from. And he couldn’t even bleed to confirm it, that he was still the same on the inside as they were.

But he shakes his head all the same, words unspoken, he can still hear it, knows. Because he feels it too, he feels sorry for the child version of himself, for Naruto-more so now that he’s had a conversation with Kushina, knows what happened in those first moments of Naruto’s life, and if there isn’t something shared there too. And for the others. Its why they can’t let it happen again. Nobody should have to share these feelings. And that’s the best way to handle this pain they can feel for eachother, isn’t it? To make sure no one else ever has to feel it.

And if they’re screwed up, they’re allowed that too, at least a little bit, right? They’ve adjusted, they’ve forgiven. They’re not alone anymore. These moments of self-indulgence…moments he had never allowed himself back home because his tasks were never done, because his goal hadn’t been achieved yet…they’re okay. Its why he nods at Naruto’s offer, why he’s eager to accept it.

And its with an amused green gaze that he greets that gratitude.] That would be calling the kettle black, hm? [A joke, possibly, a small one. He’s capable of those now and then, even if the full smile hasn’t come to him yet, if laughter still escapes him. Baby steps.] As soon as you would like to.

[ Human. It's all of two syllables and one word but there's a wealth of meaning in it and Naruto doesn't need to wonder at the clarification. He already knows. He remembers the whispers too, all the way from 'that boy' to 'monster' layered beneath those sidelong glances, those cold eyes, the pull of the occasional parent tugging their child in the other direction as though he were diseased and they might catch it if they got too close or played with him for too long. ] Human.

Not a monster.

[ He doesn't talk about it too much either. Oh, he's aired his story in bits and pieces to people now and then, but he never digs too deeply, he just finds a common thread because that's safer. Like the times he wondered about his parents and considered that maybe he never had any at all, maybe he just appeared one day and that was why parents avoided him. He was something different. He's somber, watching Gaara closely. ] We're not monsters. We never were. Not you, not me. No matter what anyone said. [ It's quiet and it's fierce. He hopes Gaara knows that of himself. That he is not and was never what they might have painted him to be. Gaara did the best he could with what he had. He suffered hell and still managed to climb out of that hole.

Naruto goes back to combing his fingers through that red hair, brows a little pinched. So what if they're a little screwed up in some ways. They're okay. They're doing okay and Gaara isn't dead even if he might believe it's a real possibility. They're okay and they'll go home and fix things and go back to being just a little screwed up there and-- ]

Haa. [ He has to smile at that, lopsided, a little quirky. ] You just made a joke. [ Not that he ever doubted it. But it's good to see that progression, hell knows Gaara has the smarts for it. ] You're not a crazy weirdo and neither am I, huh. [ Naruto nods slowly, in approval. ] Yeah, I like that.

[ He isn't so certain about the last part. As soon as he wants to. After a beat, Naruto glances around Gaara's room, toward the bed. Everything is neat, minimal, tidy of course and he thinks of getting blood on those sheets and doesn't want to ruin Gaara's room like that. And he considers Neji and Gaara and his mother and how people here often don't stay here and how some are or may be dead and--

Thinks of missed chances. It's not why he came here but. ]

How about now?

[There's a slight twitch. Naruto understands. There's no doubt of that. He must have wondered at one point as well. Even now, even though he hadn't acknowledged it at the time, he could remember that expression on Naruto's face when they spoke in Lee's hospital room, when he told him that he had a real monster inside of him. He had mistaken it for fear, pure and simple, but now, he wondered how much of that was more understanding than fear now.]

That's not quite true. [He answers softly, because this is one thing they differ on that Gaara is rather pleased with. Even now, he wonders if Naruto's ever taken a life, and even if he has, he can't come close to the amount of blood on Gaara's hands. No, he was a monster inside and out. Whether he could blame it all on his environment, on the things that happened to him, it doesn't change what he's done, what he used to believe. And its so much more evident now, with their similarities, and the fact that Naruto never fell down that same path, was even capable of headbutting Gaara off of it.] But that's alright.

[He knows he's not one now. And that's all that matters, all that can matter right now. And even now, as he looks back on his past, he sees that broken child, he sees that grasp for existence, and maybe his choice had been wrong, but it had given him a reason to live, and for that he can't be sorry. But mostly, when he looks back on his past, he sees Naruto. Because that's the moment it all changed.

And with this knowledge about himself, Naruto's here too. He's accepting, and willing, and wanting. And he's not a monster anymore.

There's a twitch of lips as Naruto rolls his hands through his hair, as he laughs at his joke, as it seems to dispel some bit of nerves.]

Now. [There's a slow nod, a glance around the room. Yes, now sounds good to him. It'll be as easy as tossing the bedspread on the ground. Sheets can be replaced. Maybe they'll just be washed. Blood is nothing new to him, its almost something familiar, a scent every time he uses the sand in his gourd.]

Do you have a blade you'd like to use? [Because Naruto's a ninja, the one that supplied Gaara with weapons on first arrival, and he's sure he has something strapped to his body. If not, Gaara has no problem using one of his own.]

[ Naruto's mouth thins into a tight, stubborn line. It's not true, Gaara says, but it is true. ] If you were a monster, you wouldn't be here now. [ He wouldn't be Kazekage. He wouldn't have tried a different path. Real monsters don't change. Real monsters probably can't change. They stay the same, they hurt and kill without remorse and don't care enough to ever try any differently. They don't regret, they don't feel grief or true sadness enough to empathize. Real monsters are people like Akabane who would rip you apart and leave you bleeding on the floor, then track you down a few weeks later to repeat the experience.

No. Gaara is not and was never a monster, not to Naruto, not in the true sense of the word. Gaara was just a screwed up kid who tried to carve out his own existence. He wasn't right, he wasn't okay. He was deeply damaged and he wasn't a monster. ] It's not alright. [ Just a mutter, a little mulish to be sure, but beyond that Naruto doesn't push. He doesn't want to get into an argument. It's just distressing to consider that Gaara really did think he was a monster.

So he eases off on the topic. There's another to consider in any case. A little unexpected. He certainly didn't visit for this purpose. He didn't see the conversation turning out this way either, but he's finding that conversations with Gaara rarely have a predictable outcome. And when the Kazekage agrees, Naruto can't hide the brief look of surprise.

Now.

Just like that.

I'll get blood on your floor, he almost says, but maybe Gaara doesn't mind. It must have occurred to him. ] Yeah. [ Even on this visit, he's armed. Ariel's taught him to never leave his apartment without a kunai and Naruto reaches around and pulls one out from where it's been strapped to his lower back. He handles it easily, turning the blade in his palm and offering the grip to Gaara with no hesitation. Then he steals another glance toward the bed and-- ] Gonna get blood on your stuff. [ Because it bears saying in case Gaara does care about stains. ]

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[action] wow, just saw my fail html up there, sorry about that

[action] shh, you're totally okay. no need to apologize!

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